I have a few passions I feel I need to focus on more:
1. Healthy living
- running 45 mins in morning
- meditating, prayer, pushing negative thoughts away
- journaling
- eating extremely healthy ( I was very successful all day today! woo!)
- growing my own veggies
2. Music
I almost convinced myself to just become a counselor..but I know my passion lies in healing people with music.
- read more on the science of music
- volunteer with Jessica and Chaz
- practice flute and harp
3. Jesus
- meet with him in our garden
- trust
- know that he loves me, just as I am
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I am at a certain point in life where all of the things that I knew could and would be problems for me later...the little things that I ignored and didn't handle because they helped me stay sane through the storms, have collided into one another and have formed a immeasurable weight that is becoming painful to carry. Most people would say...oh, well that's easy. Just let Jesus carry it. Pocket christian advice.
What do people mean when they say that?
Ignore the problem? Ignoring doesn't mean it will go away. We face our problems. But as long as the problems are there they are still painful.
John 14: 1-6
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I do and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
He has many rooms? A place for me to meet with him? Then he will take me with him?
Jesus the psychologist. I shouldn't ignore the problem. I shouldn't just put it in a sack and give it him. I need to sit down with him, in our place he has given me, and work through the stuff.
I know he disciplines those he loves..but the issue of emotion is still something I do not understand. Why am I depressed, to the point of feeling like I need to be hit by a train or something, when I know that the infinite, expansive, mysterious, beautiful Lord of universe loves me and wants me?? What is wrong with me that I am not satisfied by that? That I cry every night and wish I had someone to talk to who loved me for me..not some plastic christian or perfect Suzie homemaker, or a submissive woman who keeps her mouth shut and follows the man blindly. He MADE ME emotional, passionate, driven, opinionated, a critical thinker, observer, analytical. Why do men feel threatened by me, especially christian men at that?
Ryan always tells me: its going to take a special man to love you..
.....a special man. where will I find one of those?
Stop Kristen.
Thats the problem. You wont find. He will come.
But how do I stop the agony. codependency. impulsiveness. crippling depression. until he gets here.
And I don' t think its going to be as easy as Jesus just taking it away. I've asked for years.
What do people mean when they say that?
Ignore the problem? Ignoring doesn't mean it will go away. We face our problems. But as long as the problems are there they are still painful.
John 14: 1-6
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I do and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
He has many rooms? A place for me to meet with him? Then he will take me with him?
Jesus the psychologist. I shouldn't ignore the problem. I shouldn't just put it in a sack and give it him. I need to sit down with him, in our place he has given me, and work through the stuff.
I know he disciplines those he loves..but the issue of emotion is still something I do not understand. Why am I depressed, to the point of feeling like I need to be hit by a train or something, when I know that the infinite, expansive, mysterious, beautiful Lord of universe loves me and wants me?? What is wrong with me that I am not satisfied by that? That I cry every night and wish I had someone to talk to who loved me for me..not some plastic christian or perfect Suzie homemaker, or a submissive woman who keeps her mouth shut and follows the man blindly. He MADE ME emotional, passionate, driven, opinionated, a critical thinker, observer, analytical. Why do men feel threatened by me, especially christian men at that?
Ryan always tells me: its going to take a special man to love you..
.....a special man. where will I find one of those?
Stop Kristen.
Thats the problem. You wont find. He will come.
But how do I stop the agony. codependency. impulsiveness. crippling depression. until he gets here.
And I don' t think its going to be as easy as Jesus just taking it away. I've asked for years.
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